Who I Am, Who I'm Becoming

I've never been good at saying "I was wrong". I've also never been good at recognizing my own fault in a situation immediately. I lead with my heart, not my head. For a long time I lived by the quote "never take hope away from anyone. It may be the only thing they have left". And here I sit so much of the time feeling hopeless. I leave therapy feeling deeper in the hole than I did when I got there.  I struggle in my confidence as a mom. But I see how amazing my girls are. I get hurt when the people I think should care don't and I miss it when the ones who do care are there. And, THAT is a big problem. The rest? Maybe they're character defects; I'll work on them over time. In this metamorphic time for me there's so much I'm learning and quitting and doing and trying and trying and trying. I'm a different person. I think that's hard for some of the people around me. And to be honest, that hurt a lot. When people would say things about me true or false, fair or not, it hurt. But I'm beginning to be bothered less as I understand that this new me is stronger and braver and not as fragile as she used to be. I don't want to follow anyone. I will take the steps I need to be well. The people who love me will support that and the rest will fall away but this time I won't fall with them.