Thinkin' it through.

My therapist and psychiatrist both have urged me to use a list of pros and cons in an effort to feel my way through otherwise confusing situations. I used to approach life via that method regularly. In trying to clear up some of the confusion on my end, I've decided to try it again. That said, here is my pros and cons list for the zombie apocalypse.

Pros:

-we all find ourselves on equal footing. I don't care how beautiful you are or how much you make a year, you still taste like 'more' to a zombie.

-theft becomes AOK!

-I might get a new car. OR driving a 42 ton suburban becomes even more economical. (sarcasm...)

-I can finally stop mixing and matching the pieces of my wardrobe to find that perfect post apocalyptic outfit that will define me and my soon to be released action figure.

-get to ransack other people's houses for food, as opposed to morbid curiosity.

-pretty great weight loss program.

-GUNS

Cons:

-my house has a shit ton of windows. Great for viewing the apocalypse, not great for keeping out those pesky zombies able to maneuver their opposable thumbs around a large rock.

-cold showers, except at the sheriff's station where the pilot light is miraculously still lit.

-gonna be tough to find a good, rare prime rib with au jus. Unless I become a zombie.

-my dogs don't listen for shit. They will run straight toward a pack of zombies. Unless I'm one of them. Then they'll run away from the zombies. Away. Always away.

-TJ Maxx deliveries will probably be late.

-WholeFoods will meet their demise. I guess we were wrong about all those preservatives after all.

This is not an all inclusive list by any means, but something to kickstart your apocalypse prep all the same.

You're welcome.