Taking a Look Back

5 years, 3 months, and 1 day ago, my Ava Lili made my world brighter, happier, more complex, more rewarding, and more exciting than I ever thought possible. In 2 days, she will be a full on honest to God kindergartner. The space in between these two major life changes could not possibly be enough. She's still my baby. But, she's my baby who helps her little sister with everything; my baby who is intelligent, well spoken, kind, and has wit 100X the average adult. She is beautiful and she is wise. And yet, I still worry that she won't ask for help. I worry she will lose that unbelievable spark of charisma and personality only she can carry. I worry that she will fall victim to the kind of kids who are intimidated by all of the above. But, if I know anything about Ava, I know that where she is kind, she is also strong-willed; and where she is happy in the company of as many friends as possible, she is also independent. I've spent 5 years worrying that I didn't teach her this or that, or worrying that when other kids were doing one thing, she was doing another. I've compared her to other kids and found what some might consider short-comings and what some might consider bold successes. But, recently, I stepped back and I watched her more closely. I watched her just being her on her favorite yellow swing doing things that would terrify me, things that require more balance, agility, and skill than I will ever know. And I saw her as a child who is as in touch with herself and her surroundings as possible. Her beautiful, dark hair trailing behind her, her face turned up toward the sun, eyes shut, smile giving hint to her internal bliss. She is remarkable. She is mine. My mom asked me if Ava's kindergarten teacher knows and appreciates that she gets to look into the eyes of one of God's greatest gifts; I can't possibly imagine how she wouldn't notice.

So, with pride and a really, exceptionally heavy heart, I send my baby off to kindergarten. Every new era starts somewhere and my little girl is headed toward great things, even if "all" she ever is is my baby.

I love you Ava Lili!!!