Ava and I had the talk about how the baby comes out of the mama's body some time ago. It went very well, actually, and she thought that was a very cool thing that a mama's body can do. Last night she asked me how the baby gets INTO the mama. It was a very insightful question the way she asked. She wasn't asking out of simple curiosity; there was something complex in her tone. I should have seen it coming since she asked how the baby comes out and because she is just a very smart little girl who wants to know more always. But, I was caught totally off guard. It wasn't something I didn't want to talk about, but I wished I would have thought it through before the moment it came out of my mouth. I think, all things considered, it went well. And the conversation ended on babies with two mamas or two papas instead of one mama and one papa. I explained things the best I could and then asked her if she had any questions. And once again, she reminded me how soulful and awesome she is. She had no questions or comments on the baby-making info (I think it was a lot to absorb; Jeff sometimes thinks I tell the girls too much, but I feel like I'm lying if I'm not honest and thorough with them. So, I'm anticipating another conversation in the future). But, after talking about mamas and papas and all the different possible combinations of family, she said, "Well, that makes sense mama. Everyone is here to be loved". In her eyes, it is just the same as how some of her friends have different colored skin than her; inside we're all the same. She's five. And I am out of this world proud of her.
Here's another thought. Hide and seek is a game we play a lot. And it's really interesting to watch the girls play. Ava wants me to hide her so she has a really great hiding spot. Sophia wants the same, but then hides in the same place over and over again. This frustrates Ava beyond words. She really wants to have to look for Phia. So, we try to help by telling Phia if she hides in the same spot we will know where to look for her and then the game is over sooner. But, I got to thinking, maybe she's right. I mean, it won't work over and over and over. But, if she hides in the same place two times in a row; aren't we the ones who look like fools? Because either we find her because we were dense enough (as adults) to look for her where we told her not to hide, or we don't find her because we didn't look where she just hid in which case, she was right. Right???
Also, last night as I was falling asleep listening to the thunder storm and feeling secure in my space, I got to thinking about the friends I've had the longest, who are attached to my soul, and the varied ways in which they became part of my world. This is by no means an all-encompassing list, but there are these few friends who have been with me through the thick of it. I think I will assign them all alter egos, just to be safe.
Friend 1: We will call her Roberta. I've known Roberta since kindergarten. We have been really close since. We are the kind of friends who don't see each other for literally years, and then end up face to face in an airport me with my brand new baby and her with her brand new southern accent, and it feels like we drove to the airport together. It is always comfortable, it is always easy, and something is always reduce you to tears hysterical. This friendship is remarkable to me because she has always been there, wherever "there" may be. What makes it even more special to me is that our friendship survived junior high and high school where any number of variables ends lifelong friendships in one afternoon. Rumors, rival groups of friends, different decisions or schedules or lives. But, no. Roberta and I made it through and I think about her EVERYDAY whether she knows it or not.
Friend 2: We will call her Talula. Talula and I met when we were 3. I was in my pajamas, my hair likely sculpted into a FINE rat's nest; undoubtedly, she was wearing a pleated skirt, matching button down puff sleeve shirt, knee socks, and blonde braids for which Crayola still hasn't developed a color to match. She lived down the street from me, her grandma lived up the street from me. Convenient? Yes, but here is the kicker. To me, this friendship is the definition of amazing: she moved to a different state when we were 5. A different state. She was no longer down the street from me. I no longer knew exactly where to find her. We couldn't stand on our opposite sides of the street and yell to each other until one or the other's mom would help us to safely rendezvous. There was no one else in the neighborhood to practice trick or treating with. The biggest problem though was that I couldn't even write my own name legibly yet. How in God's name would two 5 year olds keep in touch? I don't know the answer to that. But, here's what I do know: we never lived in the same state again, but when I got married she was my maid of honor and when she got married I was her matron of honor. She is more my sister than my friend. And I am more comfortable in my own surroundings when she is there with me. I am thankful for her in ways I may never be able to express.
Friend #3: Let's call her Nurse Betty. Nurse Betty and I met in college. I hated this woman when I first met her. She walked into the room and my rage alarm would self-destruct. She is beautiful beyond words. And, while I was just trying to keep my GPA head above water in what was a rapidly rising tide, she couldn't figure out why she only got 108%. And then I met her because we were assigned partners in one class or another. And in that instant, I met the most impressive, amazing, kind, and focused person. She is also to this day, the strongest person I know. There is no room for the word 'adversity' in her world. She was in my wedding and was one of the very first people to come visit me in my new world here in Madison. She has been a confidant like none other. No judgement, no scornful look; just support, advice, and a keen ability to call me on my bull before I've spoken the whole statement. She is one year younger than me, but WORLDS more wise. I miss her always.
Friend #4: I'm going to call her Sunshine. Sunshine and I were fortunate to meet because her parents were thespians and my mom was the magic behind the thespians. I attended production wrap parties at her house as a smallish kidlet. I remember the first time we hung out because I was taken with how kind and friendly she was. Over the years, we would meet up sporadically and then, as if our parents thought nothing of it so as to make a grand announcement, we ended up at the same school together. We played soccer together. We became really great friends. And Sunshine was the first person I told when I met Jeff and knew I was going to marry him someday. After some time of developing this really awesome friendship, we were out for dinner while both home from college and Sunshine told me on no uncertain terms if I ever broke up with Jeff she would kick my ass. She was part of my wedding. And while I was unable to get to her wedding which incorporated a number of deeply meaningful religious and spiritual rites, my parents took a road trip so that they could be there. My dad is not one to look forward to weddings, but he talked about Sunshine's wedding for a very long time. He still will mention it from time to time and say, "boy, that sure was neat" in this tone that implies a respect and appreciation for everything they put into it. You have to be someone pretty amazing to work that angle with my dad. But, I'm not surprised because Sunshine is amazing plus some. A really, great big plus some.
So, these were the 4 amazing friends I thought about last night as I fell asleep feeling secure and content. It certainly doesn't hurt that I had the world's greatest husband with built in best friend upgrade lying next to me, but I can't help but think the security I feel these days isn't at the very least rooted in the 4 women's presence in my world.
It also helps that I know some of their secrets too, so mutiny in our friendships is pretty unlikely...
10/4 Good Buddy.
